Daily Dose of Funny

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

His Dad was Mexican. His mom was Italian. Both Jedi Masters. He's Old Bean Juan Cannoli.

(And yes, I know that Jedi aren't supposed to have relationships/offspring)

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan, so who is the real winner here?

 

[Charles Stoot]

 

[VaporStrike]

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

 

[VaporStrike]

I'll either live to be 1000 years old... or I'll die trying.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

I never followed my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

If I ever have a bachelor party I want a cake that jumps out of another cake.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

I tell the barista my name is Marco. He knows why. We stare each other down.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

Time out. Otters not only hold hands while they sleep, but have a SPECIAL POCKET to hold their favorite rock? Humans are bullshit.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

I get a Chinese accent when I order Chinese food. I don't know how I feel about this.

 

[Jebus]

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

Slippers made of Lego so when you step on Legos you just get taller.

 

[Zandril]

Chinese dubbed version DVD of Harry Potter - actual English subtitles.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

I listen to the first 30-45 seconds of a butt-dial like an FBI agent doing surveillance.

 

[Zandril]

Gentlemen, I present to you the longest and most squeaker-ish sentence ever. Jesus in Malibu

 

[Jebus]

Gentlemen, I present to you the longest and most squeaker-ish sentence ever. Jesus in Malibu

Please tell me there was a large amount of X's in his gamertag.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

So, I was walking to the subway today, and it was really windy outside. There was this very stereotypically goth dude (i mean this guy had tattoos on top of his piercings) walking the opposite direction(into the wind), and suddenly this huge gust of wind blows his hair (you know, the "you can't see me if I can't see you" hairdo) up and out of his eyes.
Now, I expected him to just brush it back down and keep walking, but instead he stops, blinks a few times, looks back and forth, and gasps, all with the most deer-in-the-headlights surprised look on his face.
He then looks right at me, tears in his eyes and his mouth in a beaming smile, throws up his arms and yells "HOLY SHIT I CAN SEEE!!!!."
He then proceeds to dash off, skipping along the street and singing "Zip-a-dee-do-daaaa" a the top of his lungs.

Don't judge a book by it's cover people.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

4 out of 5 Doctors agree that 1 out of 5 doctors is just doing it for the attention.

Also, this post officially makes DDOF the most replied thread on HC!!!!

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

If British people named Christian don't call their toilet's Ludacris (Loodachris), I will be extremely disappointed.

 

[PhantmOfTheOpra]

people who don't understand sarcasm are awesome