Just tried to kill a spider in a store with a sample of Axe body spray. It survived and is now making inapropriate advances towards my sister.
Daily Dose of Funny
- Thread starter PhantmOfTheOpra
- Start date
The thing that frightens me the most about having an offspring is the thought of my child becoming an angry youtube commenter.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $1.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
A'ight guys, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is there's no good news. The good news is there's no bad news.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
A real youtube comment I just saw:
"Alright, I know the comments will be going really fast, so: Sometimes, I go to my mother's garden, cover myself in dirt, and pretend i'm a carrot."
I have a newfound respect for both carrots and the few smart youtube commenters.
"Alright, I know the comments will be going really fast, so: Sometimes, I go to my mother's garden, cover myself in dirt, and pretend i'm a carrot."
I have a newfound respect for both carrots and the few smart youtube commenters.
I've seen people rip phonebooks in half with their bare hands and I just had to use scissors to open a bag salad.
I read "do not believe everything you read". Now i'm not sure whether to believe this or not.
Whenever something bad happens to a friend of mine, I always consider sending a card with a giraffe riding a huge mouse while holding a shotgun. On the inside, would be a lion fighting with a large spoon with arms. It would say "Life is Screwed Up. Take what you can get."
Today I broke my personal record for days lived consecutively without dying. Today was a good day.
Just got the manual to study for my driver's license, had to printed it out. The printer was low on a few inks, so the only non-black color is now yellow, and we're out of paper. Take a moment to consider the problem with having to learn from traffic lights with three yellows, yellow stop signs, and yellow cones (used to describe what orange, yellow, and red cones signify. and they are all yellow). A certain Coldplay song comes to mind. Kudos to whomever can guess which one. Meanwhile, I'm going to go try to evolve my eyes to see a wider color spectrum. Have a nice day!
Why would America make the Bald Eagle its national bird when their aggressive and rude and unattractive and... oh.
Joe Biden is playing Night At The Museum at the Smithsonian right now, and no one can stop him. Welp, at least now we know why the government REALLY shut down.
It's perfectly acceptable to pee in the shower. Your front door was unlocked & I was desperate. I'm sorry you were showering at the time but...
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja.