Tip: Make sure when you are doing broadcasts like you were doing or something similiar, make sure it sounds professional and sounds like it is from an actual transmission.
Example:
Mayday Mayday, This is Sierra 3717 of the UNSC Infinity. We have excessive casualties and wounded.
Requesting evacuation immediately from our position. We need medical attention and supplies ASAP.
Requesting to initiate Cole Protocol Sector three and orders for commence Defense Op.
Awaiting future orders.
Cody out.
Something like that. Unless you want it like the way you have it, that's fine.
Other than that, It sounds exciting and looking forward to it.
You wanted to know your mistakes, I just edited it instead. Edits are in green. Things you might want to consider rephrasing, due to lack of formality, or seeming out of place, are in purple. Things that don't really make sense, due to sentence structure, contradiction, or lack of given information, are highlighted in orange. I'll finish this in a later edit.
Alright I just copied and pasted this to word and when you do that later edit could you inbox me so it doesnt take as much space on the thread also thanks for the grammar corrections and before I end this I would like for you to delete this seeing how it takes up as much space as the actual story and it may be needed when I type the story into it
What do you mean friend?
was obviously tagged in this post but didnt get a notification for it
Oh I see well do you what do you think of the Added chapter?
havent been following this as amuch as i wanted to sorry :/