Did I overdo it?

[Tedium]

I've recently been applying for some jobs at a job agency over their website. However, I've grown tired of the formality of, "hello, I'm good for the job, I'm professional, blah blah blah." So I wrote this instead. Let me know your thoughts.

Dear Sirs,

I can see you have already received over one hundred applications thus far. Allow me to explain why I am the most suitable for the job.

Actually, you know what? By this point I'd usually go on about how I possess all of the traits described above. Clear communication, computer literacy, a professional manner, et cetera. It's true though. I do.

Now, no doubt this unorthodox cover letter would attest against the latter. However, I assure you that I completely understand how, and when, to stay true to conventional means. I have displayed this in the past, much to the satisfaction of my employers.

However, I fear that in a job climate such as this, it is a fatal mistake not to venture into the unorthodox. Stay clear of the obnoxious, sure, but never be afraid to follow your convictions when you feel sure that you can get the job done. Now, don't get the wrong idea. I'm no loose cannon. But I do know how learn quickly. And when I do, I never fail to impress my employers. With or without previous experience.

And so now, I can only pray that I haven't over-done this cover letter. If this was not to your satisfaction, feel free to contact me so that we may arrange an interview and discuss the matter further.

Sincerely awating your response,
[REDACTED]

 

[Insane54]

You do a good job of a different style cover letter, but I think you need a little bit more as to how you deserve the position. You do well at grabbing attention, but once you have it, you don't do anything to differentiate yourself from all the other applicants.

Also, I'm not sure if I'm right in saying this (I think I am), but don't back down once you're going for a unique take. So, don't go "I pray I haven't gone too far"; that does you nothing but to detract from the uniqueness of your application

Another thought: you use a mix of slang terms/phrases and formal English that comes across as a little awkward to me. I like where you're going with the semi-formal format, try to keep it like that without jumping too far to either side

 

[Tomtris]

Thats a cool name.

Mr. Terdium [REDACTED]

 

[PandaMan]

It seems a little too formal for the style that you're going for. Also, a little too repetitive at some points. What does your resume look like?

The last two paragraphs were too much.

 

[Tedium]

My resume is empty and uninteresting. McDonald's experience, small jobs here and there as a kid. The entire cover letter was really just an attempt to compensate for the fact that there is really nothing to differentiate me from the other applicants.

Though to be honest, the entire idea behind the letter was, "What the hell?" I don't really want the job, and it's only one out of ten which I applied for. The other nine I replied seriously and professionally. So I'm not too worried about this one - just experimenting, you know?

 

[evergreen948]

This may actually be great depending on the job. Don't go into any firms or major businesses with an application such as this, but small retailers and private businesses may accept. Just add your resume info, no matter how basic it may be and be consistent with your style. Finding jobs early on can be difficult but you get the hang of it.

 

[Fiesty Fedora]

Dude. That was awesome.

 

[NinetysBorn]

I'd recommend going with what Insane said.

You do a good job of a different style cover letter, but I think you need a little bit more as to how you deserve the position. You do well at grabbing attention, but once you have it, you don't do anything to differentiate yourself from all the other applicants.

Other than that, it's an attractive cover letter to me